31st
The Thread of Endearment and Severe Mercy
Edith Schaeffer spoke of life as a God-woven tapestry.
An intricate tapestry often has patterns that do not appear obvious from a small swatch. Only upon seeing a larger portion of the tapestry do we realize the weaver was slowly but determinedly bringing small touches at short intervals that make them all the more significant for their rare but brilliant appearances.
One such part of the tapestry of my life is being seen in a larger portion and one thread, rare and brilliant, is coming into focus.
In 1971, I married a woman who had already made an impact on many lives. Lynn Neree Hatcher, now with the added “McGary” to the name. Her playfulness and spontaneity were traits matched to maturity and resourcefulness.
A Thread Begins in the 1970’s.
The particular thread that stands out today starts here I think. We had been married but a few months and attended a large church while in college. One Sunday morning when she came out of the choir (??!!) there was no room to sit next to me so she sat across the way. We had already developed this little signal of showing three fingers, which meant, “I love you” - three fingers for the three words. So she flashed that little signal to me! Ahh. Yes. I flashed three fingers back with an adoring smile.
By the next morning word had spread among all our friends that Lynn was expecting a baby! Not true. But how did this rumor get started? Inquiring we discovered that an older woman had seen us giving this little signal and assumed that there were now “three” in our family. So a child was conceived in her mind for us!
The Thread and others like it become common in the 1980’s.
Over the years we adopted many little signals and private terms of endearment. Others would see us flashing our little signals and often wonder what they meant, but sometimes guessing closely to their meaning.
We were living in Virginia when our new sister-in-law, Pennie, remarked to us one day that our little endearments reminded her of a book she had read recently. She was complimenting us for our little on-going romantic expressions.
The name of the book? “A Severe Mercy” by Sheldon Vanauken about his endearing life with his wife, Davy, and a series of letters exchanged with C.S. Lewis. Our little endearments reminded Pennie of Sheldon and Davy. We felt honored and delighted.
We didn’t know Sheldon Vanauken.
But the Thread appeared again soon.
One day, soon after Pennie’s remarks, we spent part of an afternoon with Sheldon, or “Van” as he was known. He was the resident literary scholar at the university located in Virginia where Lynn was receiving her graduate degree in special education. We saw him at times driving his open top British touring car around campus. We never did meet Davy, of course.
C.S. “Jack” Lewis had been the key person that helped Davy, then Sheldon, work through their doubts to become Christians while they were studying at Oxford. Sheldon was intimidated at first when he realized that he was no longer Davy’s primary love - God was.
I too realized that I had married a woman who would never have me as her primary love. So I learned that the closer I walked with God the closer I could walk with her! Amazing.
The Thread in the 1990’s.
Our five children were starting to grow up and the thread came up again. We admired the life of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards, of the Founding Era of the United States and he, the bright light, so honored at Yale University even now, was a principal of what is known as, “The First Great Awakening” - a spiritual awakening in the colonies.
This Edwards family, considered the greatest American family in history to date, was more than about an Awakening or Jonathan becoming president of Princeton University. The story of Jonathan and Sarah is a love story with its own compelling practices and stories of a life of endearment. But Jonathan knew too that Sarah had a deeper love for someone other than him.
Lynn and I loved to read about the Edwards’ life. In that way his theology was best understood, not just by reading his theological writings. Theology lived out is the way to see the implications of the theology - for only reading great dissertations and thoroughly digesting them as an “Edwardsian scholar” is tempted to do, is like eating flour, water, and spices without tasting the cake or meeting the cook.
Jonathan and Sarah were endearing to each other in the same way that Sheldon and Davy were. They reminded us of our own endearment to each other.
The Thread appears briefly again in early 2001.
Disease. Results of an early choice in the human race.
Jonathan Edwards, as president of Princeton University (named The College of New Jersey at the time) in 1758 took an innoculation against smallpox which was prevalent in the city of Princeton - the inoculation gave him the disease. Davy Vanauken contracted a poweful virus of the liver in the summer of 1954.
Then our thread: Lynn discovered a large life-threatening renal cancer tumor in the spring of 2001. Lynn had more time to live (a mercy) from her first diagnosis than did Edwards or Davy. But life was “cut short” for all three.
The thread may end here it seems at times.
But quickly theThread peeks out of the tapestry again.
I recall how that just a couple of years ago or so I was invited to participate in the pre-beta version test of a new comprehensive on-line resource of the complete works of Jonathan Edwards, produced by Yale University and overseen by Harry Stout.
Over 20 years have passed since Lynn and I got to know Sheldon Vanauken. Now my beloved has left me to be “with Christ, which is far better” - to the one she always loved the most.
I am about to re-read “A Severe Mercy” and contemplate how the thread informs and helps me for these days of remembrance. I contemplate and embrace the meaning of the “Grey Goose,” the name of the Vanauken’s boat, in honor of the goose who upon losing a life long mate, goes on alone never to take another.
And poignantly here at this waning moment in time comes another unexpected appearance of the Thread.
A movie version of “A Severe Mercy” is currently in development by Origin Entertainment, after lying dormant these many long years. A reminder appearance of the Thread.
And then my son, John, editing a tribute video about Lynn surprises me with a long forgotten photo of Lynn flashing those three fingers as the last image - an image to remind me of this Thread of Endearment.
This Thread of Endearment and Severe Mercy has been woven into my life and appears to me as the end of an unraveled and incomplete thread. And yet, I suspect there will be more to this thread, this rare and brilliant thread.
I doubt I will have to look for it. As it has come to me in the past as an act of grace, unmerited favor, I expect future grace reflected in this thread of my life. And it will keep me tethered to its history, a cherished history. - unwanted at first thought but now deeply cherished.
For my beloved Lynn. III
